What Happened to True Friendship?
Is it me or does it seem like the older we get the more our relationships transform from true bonds to lopsided relationships that resemble a series of favors and transactions? No one has time for say, lunch but they find the time to ask for oand expect your time, labor, money, or resources. Even the people in your own home seem to have this perspective. Your partner expects you to cook and clean while rarely offering to do either for you and expecting accolades when they do life a finger. They never even think to engage with you unless it’s silently in front of a television. And when you’re not feeling up to the slave-work, they show concern not by offering to handle dinner but by giving you permission skip cooking dinner for them that day. Pure selflessness, What a catch! Seeing it as anything less is viewed as ungrateful.
Friends that you used to hang out with regularly, only call when they need you to watch their house, kids, or pets, sometimes, all of the above. And long-distance family members only visit you to have a different roof over their heads, not to visit you personally. Visiting them is worse than renting an AirBnB. You are treated like you should be grateful for a “free” place to lay your head for a few days. They guilt you into outings and events that you had no interest or say-so in attending.Worse yet, they expect you to work by exercising your talents, expertise, or labor for their benefit.
On the Emotional Side
Who hasn’t had that friend that finds themselves in an endless stream of avoidable situations that somehow always require your help getting out of. Or the friend that is always down on their luck and whose only communication style is trauma dumping.
What happened to the days when we would hang out with girlfriends for bonding and advice? Now it’s “I can’t meet up this weekend, but will you watch the kid (so I can meet up with someone else?)” Gone is the excitement of hosting family and friends from out of town. Now all they want is for you go to sleep so they can treat your place like it’s their own. Or worse, they drop off their luggage and visit everyone else they know in the area. Oh! I forgot; they do call for birthdays or special events, when they need you to foot the bill, be of assistance, or help fill up seats to boost their ego. And they do help in return because, never know when they might need you in the future. Forget the idea of helping being the right thing to do. It seems people are not interested in relationships for the sake of companionship and comradery? Other humans are just a means to an end.
And if you thought for one minute that you would just walk away from the abuse, think again! If they don’t go above and beyond the call of duty, playing victim to make you feel like scum of the earth for making a decision in your best interest instead of theirs, they will simply respond with disdain, contempt, and hostility because you dare stand between them and the resources they used you for.
The Problem
The problem isn’t always them, its a mix between your extended tolerance and personal lifestyle choices. If you chose not to have children, then your extra time is somehow seen as available for those with children. When you live a drama-free or at least a life of reduced drama, your peace must be disrupted by another’s turbulent existence. If you have something worth having, whether it’s peace, happiness, or resources, there will always be someone interested in taking it. Your job is to protect your own interest. Because, oddly enough, using you is the next person’s way of protecting their own interest.
The Solution
A persons actions are all the proof you need to affirm their true intentions. The solution is to find the strength within yourself to get away and stay away from these types of toxic people. Those that devalue you and disregard your self-worth panic and pull every trick from playing victim to smear campaigning when they realize that you have had enough. Stay strong and move on. You do not owe your time, love, kindness, or resources to anyone. And you certainly do not need permission for a peaceful life.